LOL! How does she keep getting re-elected?
They let fuits and nuts vote here in Ca.
MY LIVING WILL
Last night, my adult kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’
They got up, unplugged the television, and threw out my martini! They are such assholes .
Remember, your kids will be picking the rest home they put you in… LOL!
no respect i tell ya! 
Here is one I made up after hearing todays news :
What did one air traffic contoller say to the other…
Hey,Wake up and have a drink with me !
Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I’d started & hadn’t finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a bodle of Baileys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke an a bocs a choclezt. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feeel now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fel ar in ned ov innr piss
Very good one. Thanks for a great laugh!
Steven
dammit Don, that WAS a perfectly good keyboard
Cartoon of the day !
Could be another watergate !
Been too quiet on this thread.
I was in the public restroom.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other Stall: “Hi, how are you?”
Me: (A little reluctantly) “Doin’ fine!”
Stall: “So what are you up to?”
Me: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just sitting here.”
Stall: “Can I come over?”
Me: (attitude) “No, I’m a little busy right now!!”
Stall: “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions”
Ha ha ha, Dawg
'nuff said :ahem:
Here ya go !
A WOMAN’S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
A MAN’S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
big boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a s*** !
HAHA! i thought it was pretty good, even BEFORE i recognized the guy in the pic on the second pass…
Three Nuns
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.
He says, 'Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, 'I want to be Sophia Loren and poof she’s gone.
The second says, 'I want to be Madonna and poof she’s gone.
The third says, ‘I want to be Sara Pipalini.’
St. Peter looks perplexed. ‘Who?’ he asked.
‘Sara Pipalini,’ replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, ‘I’m sorry, but that name just doesn’t ring a bell.’
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and Says.
‘No sister, the paper says it was the ’ Sahara Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.’
If you laugh, you’re going straight to hell!
See y’all in hell…LMAO
A man goes into a bar and drinks beer. After every glass of beer he pulls a picture out of his pocket and looks at it. After the 4th beer the waiter asks him why after every glass of beer he pulls the picture out and looks at it.
Then the man says: “It’s a picture of my wife. When she looks good to me I’m going home.”