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Cougar Community The Garage
121

This one’s for JB…LMAO


It’s that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty. Take the test presented here to determine if you’re losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.


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  1. What do you put in a toaster?











    Answer: ‘bread.’ If you said ‘toast’ give up now and do something else…

Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question 2.





2. Say ‘silk’ five times. Now spell ‘silk.’ What do cows drink?











Answer: Cows drink water. If you said ‘milk,’
don’t attempt the next question.

Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat.

Content yourself with reading more appropriate
literature such as Auto World.

However, if you said ‘water’, proceed to question
3.







3. If a red house is made from red bricks and

a blue house is made from blue bricks and

a pink house is made from pink bricks and

a black house is made from black bricks,

what is a green house made from?







Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said ‘green bricks,’ why are you still
reading these???

If you said ‘glass,’ go on to Question 4.



4. Without using a calculator -

You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in
Wales.

In London, 17 people get on the bus.

In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get
on.

In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.

In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.

In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.

In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.

You then arrive at Milford Haven…




Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus
driver?










Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!

Don’t you remember your own age…

It was YOU driving the bus!







If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do
better than you.

122

Thank God I passed. Kobe beef drink beer so I should get extra credit?

123

Strange, I thought Kobe drank saki!

124

I nailed all the answers except I can’t be driving the bus. I don’t have a CDL.

125

have you been reading my medical file, you young whipper-snapper. Those things are supposed to be confidential…

126

No, saki only gets you hammered. BEER gets you hammered AND the grain-juice adds weight. So then you end up FAT and HAPPY… which is good if your life’s purpose is to become somebody’s 14 ounce t-bone! Not so good if you haven’t been married to the girl long enough that she cringes at the thought of “training another one”.

127

Now I’m JB’d…we ARE talking Kobe Bryant, right? What’s this about T-bones?? LMAO

128




Any questions… BOY?

129

Sure do like that one DD

130

A woman who has had made a successful career as a gynecologist feels like her life is becoming monotonous, so she decides she wants to explore other options to make a living.

She she sees an advertisement for a class teaching automotive repair and excitedly signs up.

A few weeks into the class, it is time for a test to see what the students have learned. They have to rebuild a carburetor.

The woman completes the test confidently and waits for the grades to be posted. When they are, to her surprise, she has scored a 110!!!

When she asks the professor how she managed to get better than a 100, he explained,

“You rebuilt the carb perfectly, which was work 100 points, and you did it without removing it from the car, and did it completely by going through the exhaust pipe, so that was worth an extra 10 points.”

131

LMAO…borescope, anyone?

132

A guy walks into a store and asks for “a sack of potatoes, loaf of bread & a gallon of milk”. The store clerk says, “You must be Polish”. The man says, “I am. How do you know??”. Store clerks replies back, “This is a hardware store!!”.

133

When I see someone doing something the hard way, I tell them this joke.

A guy, needed some extra cash, so he begged his friend at the highway department for a job - any job at all.
“Sure,” he said. “I always have job openings to paint the lines down the center of the roads. Would you be interested in painting stripes?”
The guy agreed and began working immediately. The first day he painted five miles of stripes. The next day he painted three miles. But on the third day, he only painted one mile of stripes.
The supervisor took the guy aside and asked him what was wrong. “You worked so hard and painted so fast the first couple of days. Why are you working so slowly now?”
The guy replied, “Because the bucket keeps getting farther away.”

134

LOST CHURCHES OF LOUISIANA

The hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast of our nation were devastating. It did not spare the houses of worship in and around the area. One of the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans.

The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives?

Without hesitation, the woman replied, “I don’t know about all those other people, but we ain’t gone to Churches in years.We gets our chicken from Popeye’s.”

135

A teacher once told her class that they were going to talk about sex tomorrow and that she wanted all the students to go home and watch something pertaining to it and they …would discuss in class. The next day came and the teacher asked who watched TV and what did they learn? One boy raised his hand and said he watched a Ben Casey show and they were having babies and he learned a lot about sex. A girl raised her hand and said she had watched a show called Night Nurse and they were having babies and she learned a lot about sex. Another boy raised his hand and said he watched a Gene Autrey movie and an Indian came in from the left and Gene shot him, then another came in from the right and Gene shot him too. The teacher said that was all and good but how did he learn about sex by watching that?
The little boy gave a big grin and said it taught those injuns not to f**k around with Gene Autrey !

136

Nice one Art!

Hey T3, Bricklyn or JB! I can’t remember… did I (or anyone else) up “Ice Cream Cone” here or over on The Curb? Trying not to get the dreaded "1:59AM-2:01AM Three-Minute Time Out" for double-posting the same joke! :naughty:

How about “John Wayne Toilet Paper”?

Of course, I’ll post either of them with the appropriate “NSFW” disclaimers…

137

Don’t remember, DD…tell em again, THEN we’ll decide on the three minute penalty!

138

Hey Dawg, 137 posts on a thread originally intended to wake us up a bit and liven things up.

not bad eh? Get the Ice Cream Cone in as a freebie

139

Did you guys hear the news about the young guy whose older Polish wife just recently killed him in his sleep? Apparently she told the cops it was self defense, she knew he was gonna try and kill her soon because she saw in his sent emails he had offered a guy $20k for a Cougar Eliminator.

Sorry, couldn’t resist. :-/

140

In New Braunfels, Texas, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: “Sehr angenehm! Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.”
Which means: (“Glad to meet you! Don’t drink the water. The cows have pooped in it.”)

The man shouted back: “I’m from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama’s health care plan. I can’t understand you. Please speak in English.”

The rancher replied: “Use both hands. You’ll get more.”